Not much has been going on with us lately. Just the same routine different day. I am doing really well with school and have almost completed one year. I am so excited about that. I never thought that I would go back to school, but I am so glad that I decided to. It has been great for me and I think will set a good example for Noah. I am still doing daycare. I watch 2 kids and I enjoy that. It gives me something to do when Noah is at school during the day and they are really good kids too so that makes it worth it. I am also working on photography. I have a facebook page for Smith Family Photography and enjoy capturing memories. I am taking a photography class in October and am super excited. That only means that my work will get better. I am the 2nd Counselor in the Relief Society Presidency at church so that also keeps me very busy.

Chris is busy working, ROTC, and school. He is AMAZING. I am so grateful to be married to a man who is so dedicated to his school and his family. He is a great provider who makes it possible for me to stay at home. He makes sure that we have food on our table and a roof over our heads. He also makes sure that we can enjoy some of the simply things in life. He is just great. He is working really hard with his school work. His load this semester is killer. He is taking Organic Chemistry and that is really hard. He is also taking a Dental Prep class and is also doing an internship with a dentist in Salt Lake. His ROTC duties are huge this semester as well. He is a company 1st Sergeant and is super busy with that, yet he still manages to find time for me and Noah.

Noah is doing great in school. I am working really hard with him at home too so that he does well. He joined the Chess team at school this year and is enjoying that a lot. He is also enjoying his freedom of getting to ride his bike to and from school. I am very proud of him. He has been doing such a great job with it. I am so lucky to have such a responsible young man. I just signed him up for Wrestling which is from Oct-Nov and then I also signed him up for Basketball which is from Jan-Mar. He is also taking piano lessons again this year. This is his 3rd year taking. He has an amazing teacher. She is great. She is also our neighbor and we really like her and her family. Noah is also involved with cub scouts this year. He is a Bear.

That about sums up what is going on with us right now. Nothing exciting but it's our life.

a little update!

So I have been focusing my scripture study more around Prayer and Patience the past several weeks. I can honestly say I am feeling more at peace with my infertility issues. I love how the scriptures and talks by the Apostles really help when I need it. There is always a talk or a scripture that make me feel a little better. I LOVE IT! We have gone back to the doctor and this month we are continuing with clomid and then we are doing a billion tests with me and Chris to see if there is anything else going on. Prayers are much appreciated.

So because I am having trouble getting pregnant I have been a little down....ok a LOT down and with winter coming I need a boost. I always seem to get a little winter depression. Not anything huge just the hibernation and lack of sunlight sometimes make for long days. So I am hitting the gym 5 days a week and starting back on Weight Watchers. Hopefully by focusing on my health I will be less worried or focused on the baby making issue and then hopefully it will just happen. I have a great friend doing WW with me so that makes it a lot easier. I am hoping for a better month.

I am going to be an Aunt AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

Last Friday, I was having a rough day. I found out I was not pregnant again, so I just had a melt down. I am sooooooooo glad I did because it made the call I had later AMAZING!!!!! Chris called me and told me to call his sister. I called and found out she is pregnant. I was so happy. If I hadn't had my meltdown I may have taken it a little hard. Of course I would have been happy but I would have been sad too. So after having my melt down that morning I was apply to be truly 100% Happy for my sister and brother in law. They are both amazing people and I love them both so much and am so excited about the new addition. They are going to be great parents. I can't wait to go shopping for baby stuff. I just love it. Congrats to Steph and Nick Hammons. Oh and congrats to myself.......I AM GONNA BE AN AUNT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! I love being an Aunt.

We had a visitor!!!!!!!

On Saturday there was a dog roaming around our apartment complex. Of course, Noah was feeding him bread and water, so when it was time for Noah to come in the dog followed. He made a pallet for him to sleep on out on the porch and Chris ran to the store to get him some food. Well, from the time it took Chris to get to the store and back, I decided maybe the dog should sleep in the house. We borrowed a baby gate from one of our neighbors and were going to lock him up in the kitchen. Well, that didn't work because all three of us are suckers for animals. So I got out one of our old comforters and put it on the couch. Noah insisted that he sleep on the couch to keep this dog company. Oh and by the way, Noah and his piano teacher who lives under us, named the dog "OREO". So Noah and Oreo slept on the couch. The dog is so sweet and completely house broken. No accidents all night. It was great. It is a shame we can't have pets because we would have kept him. All three of us fell in love with him. So Chris called the pound to see what we should do but they were closed until Monday, so Oreo stayed with us until Monday morning. I had to take him to the pound on Monday. I cried all the way there, I cried inside when explaining the situation, and I cried all the way home. Ok I also cried most of the afternoon. When Noah got home from school I had to tell him. He cried and so Noah and I cried together. I hope that Oreo finds a good family. He is an amazing dog and some family is going to be really lucky to have him.

Emma Smith - Never Had an Ordinary Day

I woke up this morning still a little down and decided to get on facebook. My cousins wife, Crystal, sent me this video. I am not saying I know how Emma Smith felt, but the words to the song seem to fit some parts of my life. "How much can one heart take? How much can one heart take?" I feel like that a lot. How much can I take? Am I strong enough to endure this pain? " you couldn´t let the world see you cry." I can't tell you how many times I just tried to put on a happy face so that the my friends and neighbors wouldn't know that I was dying inside. I wish I had the courage and strength that Emma Smith had. She had so much more to endure than me and much worse things to endure and she stayed strong. What an amazing women she is. I think when I am feeling down I will watch this video and try to think of the great things I do have and how lucky I am to not have to endure all the sufferings of Emma Smith. Thanks Crystal for the video. I really needed something like that today!

Frustrated!

I am so frustrated and at a point where I am just ready to give up. Chris and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past two years. He keeps telling me "Everything will happen on the Lord's time". I know that, but these past two years have been so hard. I could understand a couple of months, but two years? I am doing what I am suppose to....praying, reading my scriptures, fulfilling my church callings, going to church every Sunday, etc. so why am I not having any luck? I started clomid last month and thought "here's my chance" and then NOTHING. I don't know what to do anymore. I am tired of crying and being depressed but I can't help it. There are days were I just want to curl up on the couch and cry until I don't have any tears left in me. I know people are trying to be nice and comforting but I am so tired of hearing it will happen when it is suppose to. Usually this stuff comes from people who are fertile Myrtles. I am TIRED of hearing it. Chris is great and just lets me cry and he has given me a blessing and he is very considerate of my feelings but it is hard because he doesn't see it how I do. He isn't the one who is all emotional and can't think about anything else. He can continue on his day like any other day as I am sitting having ANOTHER melt down. I am tired of the waiting and the emotions. Why can't I just have a baby? What is wrong with me? Should I just give up? I don't know what to do but I also don't know how much more of this disappointment I can take. I just want a BABY!!!!!